She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
