Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
