tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You ate ashes out of my bong
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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