I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
