please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm just crazy horny about you
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
