just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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