I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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