We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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