I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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