I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
