so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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