How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
