pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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