She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
