I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
