is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
