I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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