i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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