haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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