i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
