I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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