if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
