I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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