I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
