i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
