I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
