I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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