I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
