I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
