I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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