Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
