I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
