I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
