it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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