He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
