YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
