I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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