I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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