I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
