I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
