Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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