remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
