That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
