Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
