Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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