She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
