i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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