i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
