Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
