So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
