I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
